Tandem Feeding

I am not sure if I felt a strong desire to tandem feed or if I prepared myself for the role simply because I was too lazy to wean Sebastian from my breast. Throughout my pregnancy with sensitive sore nipples I often wished and hoped that he would be one of those children who stopped on his own when the milk went. Indeed there were moments of frustration, but Seb carried on dry nursing. I had a feeling he wasn't going to stop. But in my mind I had figured that he would only feed to bed and to wake up - even when the baby arrived. Instead what has happened is that Seb wants to feed whenever Charlie feeds. And being a newborn, Charlie feeds a lot! "Wait for me to get on!" says Seb every time he catches me feeding his tiny brother. I say "not now, sweetie, my boobie is sore" which it is. Incredibly sore. My toddler has a powerful suck. It often drives me to temporary insanity. I have some evil thoughts when the pain becomes intense. I then berate myself for having such a wicked soul that my mind could even come up with such meanness. It's a tough road. So was the alternative. I'm still undecided about breastfeeding. I love the ease of it, the simple preparation. I like the way my toddler looks at me when he feeds. I like watching my newborn grow from my milk. Having him weighed and the health visitors response "he's doing wonderfully!" with such sincerity makes my heart leap. I love that my breast can sort just about any woe either of my sons have and that comforting them will help them grow independent. I have bad days/ nights too. Sleep deprived? My body feels like it's falling apart, wrist pain, hip pain, sore eyes and shoulders. I feel heavy. I could sleep and need to sleep, for days. I'm hungry. I'm thirsty. I often forget to eat or drink. I need supplements. I forget to take those too. I shop online with good intentions and end up eating another slice of toast while my curly kale and spinach pass expiry. I have stopped eating dairy, which means I'm living on a vegan diet, responsible for the nutrition of a newborn, a toddler who has pretty much stopped eating regular meals, and myself. Seb's teeth have not been brushed properly in days, possibly weeks. My teeth have not been properly brushed... My toddler has had a cold for nearly two weeks (since starting pre-school one morning a week, we've had this!) he has now given it to his baby bro. So, I'm dead tired but awake through the night listening for awkward breathing, feeding babies on a relay - taking the pain that comes with latch, unlatch, latch etc of a babe feeding with a blocked nose. Is it really such a privilege to be able to breastfeed?