Steiner kids?

Seb started preschool in April, just one morning a week. It started fine, but after the Easter break it was awful. He kicked and screamed and protested on his way to St Nicks. He seemed intimidated by the slightly older kids in his class and could tell me no ones name. I felt so bad for him. He really tried to join in with groups of kids that he didn't know - but they often ignored him. I used to spy on him, watch him play alone or worse awkwardly introduce himself ("I'm Bastian!") to a kid who didn't want to know. 

At the end of May I enrolled us into the Parent & Child group at the Steiner school in Brighton. Within two weekly sessions, my son, the outsider, was part of a group. He was playing with others gracefully and following the rhythm of our class as if he thoroughly enjoyed it. I'm not talking about having a good time because he got a new Buzz Lightyear, I mean, he was joining in the circle of mums and toddlers holding hands, singing; washing hands, making bread. My son was a blissed out toddler - and a joy to be around. 

I'm thinking, this is it, Steiner is my new yoga. Because it helps me too. The calm and harmonious atmosphere guides me and my mothering. I meet women I like who have the same goals and need want the same kind of peace at home. I feel at home.

Of course, Seb is enrolled into Saltdean Preschool and I need the time off from two, so I decide to keep him in school two mornings a week until the end of term (which is next week). Two things happen to shake up the apple cart. 1) I am given a letter from the school requesting that I come to an AGM for parents (the preschool is a charity, run by a committee of parents). I turn up for the meeting late and within an hour I have been elected the new Chair person for the school. 2) Seb plays with kids in the park from his class - he is joyous; teachers at his preschool tell me how he's turned a corner and has really integrated himself into the group; I meet two mums (on the committee) that I like. Oh dear.

I'm wavering. 

Because everything in life is connected. It feels like being a mother is the most important job in the world. The decisions I make now for my children will impact them forever. I want what's best. 

I have to choose.....